The Cake and the Cobbler Theory
by Rookey
Summary: Who knew that a half-baked metaphor, some iced-to-perfection straight-A students, a sprinkle of basic yet uncomfortable questions, and a dash of lame baking puns were all it would take to explain Danny's very existence? But you know, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Oneshot.


**Hey all, how's it goin'? Just having some headcanon shower thoughts and was craving some cake so this oneshot happened. Happy almost-halloween!**

 **I'm going to make myself a cake, lol**

 **I don't own anything related to DP, that's all on Hartman**

 **If you're wondering what the song has to do with anything: it doesn't. It's just what I have stuck in my head at this moment, and it vaugely has something to do with baked goods?**

 ** _Summary:_**

 _ **Who knew that a half-baked metaphor, some iced-to-perfection straight-A students, a sprinkle of basic yet uncomfortable questions, and a dash of lame baking puns were all it would take to explain Danny's very existence? But you know, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.**_

 _Part 1 of 1_

* * *

 _Pour some sugar on me_  
 _Ooh, in the name of love_  
 _Pour some sugar on me_  
 _C'mon, fire me up_  
 _Pour your sugar on me_  
 _Oh, I can't get enough_

 _Def Leppard - "Pour Some Sugar On Me"_

* * *

The Cobbler and the Cake Theory

I Only Came for the Food

* * *

Danny only showed up today because Tucker insisted on it.

Tucker mentioned the prescience of food – baked goods, some cooked fruit, and some sugary sweet frosting – but he didn't say much else, probably because the geek stopped paying attention.

Tucker had a chronically short attention span, unless the topic was either about the undead, technology, food, or girls. Sometimes all four, but those conversations were saved for when Tucker and Danny were alone as they quickly turned from petty discussion to dirty jokes and teenage boy nonsense. Sam would have punched both of their lights out – maybe locking Tucker in the Fenton Weapon's Vault and sucking Danny into the Thermos, but that depends on the situation and how much she hears.

Case in point, Danny only showed up for class because Tucker said there would be food.

And food there was, as he strode into his third period with the bell ringing in his wake – a loud, screeching sound that was just about five notches above "uncomfortable."

The classroom was littered with baked goods: pies, cakes, and cobblers. All different flavors, too. Danny spotted a half-eaten chocolate cream pie in the far corner and made sure to keep it in his sights.

"Told you to come," Tucker said with an easy grin as he held up a piece of chocolate cream in Danny's face. Ah, so great minds think alike.

"Alright, fine, you were right," Danny said with a mock defeated sigh. "Maybe Biotech Ethics wasn't such a bad idea after all."

Danny wasn't going to sign up for the class, normally. It was the beginning of their senior year and he was shoved into the class, needing another science credit to graduate, since the "Intro to Ghost Physiology" class he took his junior year didn't quite constitute as a hard science, officially.

When the administration told him that news as a justifiable reason to deny his transfer request (he'd so much _rather_ take Advanced Placement Latin, since he was a linguist at heart and Latin was among the top three most commonly used languages in the Ghost Zone – along with Ghost Speak and Esperanto), he felt like laughing. Sam was angry when he told her the news – it was insulting to his very existence, after all – but Danny was just as content with laughing in their faces until the administration realized whom they were talking to. Hint: Danny _Fenton._

That didn't change anything though, but he guessed he could live with it. Danny had skipped breakfast to shove Youngblood's bratty little butt back into the Ghost Zone that morning and that pie was looking mighty fine right about now.

"I grabbed you a piece, by the way," Tucker said, collapsing into his seat in the back of the room and pushing a sloppy piece of chocolate cream pie over to Danny. "Wasn't sure if you would be on time and that shit's going fast. Congrats, by the way. Slow day?"

"Just Youngblood and the Box Ghost," Danny said, taking the seat next to Tucker. "You should've seen Mr. Lancer's face when I showed up _on time_ today. Priceless."

Tucker snorted, "Sorry I missed it," He yawned and stretched, "But I chose sleeping instead, and Shannon needed charging from our all-night Doomed-athon. We're going to beat Chaos if it's the _last_ thing we do."

That, and Tucker just didn't feel like going to school. Senioritis was hitting the trio hard - primarily Sam and Tucker. Danny couldn't afford to miss more school than he already had to for ghost hunting – being Amity Park's ghostly superhero and all.

It was also funny to note that Danny's girlfriend was _still_ kicking Tucker's ass at Doomed, even after Sam revealed her secret stash cheat codes to him.

"Can't say it's a bad tradeoff," Danny admitted, turning his attention to Mr. Lechuga as the short, squat teacher entered the room. Lechuga huffed loudly by way of greeting, a too-big mug of coffee in one hand and a slice of red velvet cake in the other.

"I'm glad you all are enjoying our baking party," He said when the room had quieted down. "And thank you to everyone who brought something in to share with the class." Lechuga sent a smile to the back of the room, where the cheerleading team members grouped together and giggled collectively. Danny guessed they were all in the class for the same reason as him – to fill the credit requirements. A few years ago, this class would have easily been Danny's favorite – Casper had always been known for having the best-looking cheerleading team in the state. Now, though, he didn't care. If anything, they made him slightly uncomfortable – he could practically _feel_ the holes they metaphorically burned into the back of his head when they thought he wasn't paying attention.

"Now that you're all full and paying attention," Lechuga continued, "I want to link this little party we're having back to class." There was a collective groan that echoed through the class and Lechuga grinned in triumph.

"Now, now, first thing…" he said, scanning the room of students. "I don't really see the need to take attendance. I saw Mr. Fenton on my way in, so everyone must be here."

"I only came for the food," Danny said without thinking, before his face heated up with embarrassment. To his relief, the class laughed at his jab - including the teacher himself.

"Understandable," Lechuga said. "Well, Mr. Fenton, welcome to class, and thank you for not making me hand out any detentions today."

"Don't get your hopes up," Danny retorted. Now that he was going, he figured he might as well keep going.

"I wasn't planning on it, Mr. Fenton," Lechuga responded without missing a beat, sending the teenager a knowing wink. Danny grinned. He always liked Mr. Lechuga.

"Anyway, despite what you all might think, there _is_ a point to our in-class bakery." Lechuga waved a hand at the various baked goods that lined the walls, and the students, now thoroughly bribed with food and sugar, nodded in rapt attention.

"I want to introduce you all to a theory that's now under discussion in the scientific community. It's a new phenomenon, and I would like to hear your thoughts." Danny raised an eyebrow. There were plenty of new sciences out now, with paranormal science speeding to the forefront of the science world within recent months.

Put simply, more portals have been opening around the world recently, and no one thought the people of Amity Park were crazy anymore.

"It's called the Külomn Theory of RNA Splicing." Lechuga continued, "Commonly called 'the Cake and Cobbler Theory,' it illustrates the complications of unnatural or artificial genetic splicing." He set his mug of coffee onto his desk and tapped a finger against his double chin in thought, "'Splicing,' refers to the action of combining one's DNA with materials not made inside the body. You all might want to write that down, it'll be on the test."

Danny didn't need to write it down, he knew what it meant. He wasn't sure how he felt about the direction this conversation was taking.

"How many comic book readers do we have in here? Fiction lovers, sci-fi lunatics? Well, the Cake and Cobbler Theory might put some truth to all those mutant-among-us, supernatural-powers, X-Men mumbo-jumbo the media's been feeding us since the dawn of Superman." The students in the class were staring at Lechuga now, eyes wide in anticipation. The supernatural was a normal topic of conversation in Amity Park, but sci-fi? Not as much.

It was because of this that Danny had gone a little pale – he didn't think science was this far along.

"The theory states that in nearly all living beings, our DNA is like a cobbler. Cobbler is stable and unmoving until moved to a plate, when it falls apart. It is functional until it is moved – or, until it is changed. If you were to take a deer and alter its DNA by splicing it with wolf's genes on a molecular level, it will work for a little wile. You would certainly have a messed-up and miserable deer, but it will only live for a month or so. Since its DNA has been changed, the deer will eventually die. The cobbler has been moved out of the pan, and it will fall apart. Make sense?"

There were a few nods. But in the front of the room, Mikey Davis raised his hand, "How, realistically, will it die? I thought science could keep hybrids alive. Like mules, right?"

"Naturally created hybrids, yes," Lechuga said, "However naturally created hybrids can't reproduce, but that's a topic for another time. Taking an organism's DNA and mixing it with something unnatural after it is fully developed is like mixing sand with rocks. You get a heterogeneous mixture and the combination will fall apart. The DNA will unravel. The organism will die."

Danny shuddered. Great, looks like Mother Nature might have her way with him after all.

"The scientific community originally believed that all organisms DNA behaved like this. They believed that Mother Nature was all-powerful... until now." Lechuga clasped his hands together, an excited smile coming to rest on his face. "Now that genetic research has catapulted us into the next practical millennium, scientists have discovered that not all living beings fall under the 'cobbler' category. Although this 'cobbler' metaphor is true for about 99.999% of all living beings on the planet, that other .001% would be represented through the 'cake' metaphor.

"When baking a cake, one would add various ingredients to the batter and bake them to create a new result. These ingredients can vary drastically, however the end result will always be a cake. Taking my deer example from earlier; if one were to splice a deer's DNA with wolf genes, and if that deer happened to fall in that .001% of 'cakes,' then that deer's DNA will not unravel from the splice – rather, it would adapt to the changes, thus producing an entirely new 'cake.' You'd have an unnatural, self-sustaining hybrid, and over time, you may have a completely new species on your hands. Unsurprisingly, those who fall under the 'cake' category inadvertently carry nature through the process of evolution."

Dash's hand shot up. Danny hadn't even realized that oaf was in this class. Whoops. The jock didn't wait for Lechuga to grant him permission to speak, "Never mind deer, what about people?" Dash practically spat the question at the short, salt-and-pepper haired teacher.

" _There's_ the question," Lechuga pointed at Dash for emphasis. "Is there such thing as a 'cake' among people? Nobody really knows, however we speculate the number to be somewhere within the relative range of 0.0007% to 0.00085% among all human beings on the planet, assuming there are about seven billion people alive today. I'm not a math teacher, anyone got the number for that?"

"Fifty thousand," Tucker said from next to Danny. He looked about as spooked as Danny felt. "It's fifty thousand."

"There you go," Lechuga said. "Worldwide, about fifty thousand people fall under the 'cake' category. Their DNA can be altered without grave or otherwise detrimental lasting effects."

"Is there any way to tell one way or the other?" Danny found himself asking. He felt that he needed to know.

His hands felt cold and clammy and he knew his face was unnaturally pale. Is this why he survived the Portal Accident from four years ago? Because he's one of that select group of fifty thousand people across the world that _can_ survive genetic splicing? Then, that brought up another question, something that he's wondered since the day after the accident itself: _Are there more people like him?_ Other than Vlad and Dani, that is.

Lechuga _laughed._ "In short, no. The only way to tell would be to artificially splice someone's DNA and wait around for the results. As of now, human experimentation is considered illegal."

"Wait," Mikey spoke up. "You said this theory applies to all living organisms on Earth… What about ghosts?"

Danny coughed. Although this conversation was interesting, it was starting to hit too close to home for comfort.

Lechuga shrugged, "We don't have any idea. However that is an interesting topic of research, if you chose to look more into it. My guess? The amount of 'cakes' would probably go up since ghosts can't exactly die." He looked to Danny for confirmation. Honestly, Danny didn't know what to think. He, in the short four years of this new existence he's found himself in, has never questioned his state of being as much as he was now. Danny shot Lechuga a dull nod.

"I don't know _how_ you'd mix a ghost's genes with anything," Said a redheaded jock from the far right corner of the room. He was a basketball player named Wesley Weston. Danny didn't know him well, just that he was one of the few people left in Amity Park that stubbornly held onto that biased, inaccurate belief that all ghosts were evil – including Phantom. Him and Valerie were the most vocal students in Casper High about their hate for Phantom. So, yes, Danny knew of him. He didn't really want to _talk_ to him, though, the reasons being obvious. "And I don't know why you'd _want_ to," He continued, tossing a hand through his artfully unstyled red hair. "Ectoplasm is ectoplasm – it's all the same. Plus, we don't need more of those monsters running around."

"Exactly my point," Mikey responded. "Ectoplasm is mostly the same – substance-wise, but my question is if it's possible to mix ectoplasm with something that isn't ectoplasmic - if ghosts in general would normally be categorized as 'cakes'."

"Never thought I'd ask myself the question: 'Can a ghost be a cake?'" Tucker muttered, which made Danny crack a grin despite the enormous amount of anxiety this conversation was starting to put on him. He wondered if he should jump in – he knew Sam would have by now, if she were in this class. Unfortunately, she was in Environmental Science and was currently unable to help.

"I think it's all in the phrasing," Lachuga said. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes that made it obvious that this was the type of discussion he wanted to get his class involved in. Biotech Ethics was a seminar-style course – that was one of the reasons Danny both liked and hated what few classes he showed up to. Lachuga didn't believe in "busy work" and he wanted to _grade_ tests and quizzes about as much as the class wanted to _take_ them. Participation alone was your entire grade, here.

"The question Mikey here is asking, and correct me if I'm wrong, is if ectoplasm and organic matter can merge. If so, would this splicing have a 'cake' or a 'cobbler' effect?" Lachuga looked to Mikey for approval and the ginger-haired nerd nodded with a smile.

"But that's suggesting the impossible," Wesley spoke up, scowling at the front wall of the classroom. "That's asking if something alive can be simultaneously dead, which isn't physically possible. You're either alive _or_ dead, you can't be both. It's a stupid question."

"Ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?" Danny muttered to Tucker, who snorted.

Then the conversation took an unexpected turn. But in hindsight, Danny should have seen it coming. "Why don't you just ask Danny?" A blonde girl from the front row asked. Danny felt the blood drain from his face as he and the rest of the class stared at her.

The girl blushed from the sudden attention. Clearing her throat, she twisted around in her seat and jabbed a thumb at Danny. "I mean, he's a _Fenton_ ," She clarified with a shrug. "Don't your parents study this stuff for a living?"

"Nobody said they were any good at it," Dash snorted from his place near the cheerleaders, who giggled in agreement.

"They're paranormal scientists," Danny said, a little miffed at Dash's comment. "And they're ghost hunters. They've saved lives."

"Not as many lives as _Phantom,"_ Paullina spoke up in a dreamy voice. Wait, Paullina was in this class, too? Danny didn't particularly care – she didn't make him _nearly_ as hot and bothered as she did their freshman year – but it was still interesting to note.

He should have known though; when there are more than three girls with a set of pompoms in any given place, Paullina appeared. It's like some nonverbal summoning spell. Danny was beginning to suspect that the cheerleading squad was capable of witchcraft. Or, as Sam would call it, "Bitchcraft."

"We're not talking about _Phantom,"_ Wesley almost spat the name. Danny glared at him. No, wait, he _has_ seen Wes more than in just passing. He's saved this kid once or twice as Phantom. He stopped a ghost from killing everyone at a basketball game once. Sure the basketball game was cancelled, the school was evacuated, and Danny was blamed for ruining a regional-level school-sporting event but that was better than the alternative. You know, everyone _dying_ because he wasn't there to help.

Mikey was about to say something else when Lachuga spoke back up. "No, no, you know Mr. Weston over here is absolutely right, we weren't talking about Phantom in specific and this is a rather farfetched subject. But that leads me to a point I want to help you guys understand by the end of he semester: Science has the ability to make anything possible. I heard Mr. Fenton over here mention Schrödinger's cat," Danny suddenly blushed. He hadn't realized Lachuga had heard him. "Which is a great way to scientifically explain the problem Mikey has presented. Although we know theoretically that nothing can be dead and alive at the same time, that still doesn't answer whether or not organic matter can successfully take on ectoplasmic qualities and what that would look like. These are good questions, and I want to encourage you all to keep asking these kinds of questions."

Lachuga thought for a second, taking in just how _focused_ on their discussion his class seemed to be. He plowed on, going on a limb and bringing up another question, "If ectoplasm and organic matter were combined, what _do_ you think that would look like? I'm curious."

"Nothing good," Danny heard Wes mutter bitterly from his spot in the back.

"Ouch," Danny retorted to Tucker, who heard Wes's comment too.

Tucker laughed, "Ruthless."

"If we're using humanoid ghosts as a template," A small Asian girl said quietly from a seat closest to the door of the room, "It might be a human-like ghost, or a ghost-like human. Assuming they didn't die from… you know… splicing. I mean, assuming they weren't… cobbler?"

Lachuga nodded thoughtfully, grabbing a marker and scribbling down a list on the board. Danny, for one, felt the intense urge to both flee and vomit simultaneously. Despite this, he kept himself rooted to the spot. He could veer this conversation off a cliff if he needed to. Or, better yet, a ghost could show up and cause the school to evacuate and this whole problem would be over. But his luck was never that good.

"A ghost with human-like qualities… well, that begs the question of what makes a ghost, a _ghost."_

"They're evil," Wes spoke up again. Danny just wished he wouldn't talk. The boy was infuriating. "They're dead, they're evil."

" _Not_ evil," Danny said. He had his eyes pulled down to his hands, which sat in his lap, clenching and unclenching with pent-up stress.

Normally, he wouldn't have said anything, but this was such a common misconception and it never failed to irritate him. "Not all of them, anyway. Most of the ones we see around here don't have a lot of empathy for human life. The ones that do, though, know not come into our world." Danny shot Wes a scowl. He's had this argument before, and he could almost see Wes's next point forming on his lips.

"Although they can't exactly _die_ , they can still feel pain." Danny made sure to keep any emotion other than mild irritation out of his voice. This discussion should be about as personal to him as it was for everyone else – not very. However, it was getting _too_ personal.

"Well, what do _you_ know, huh _Fenton_?" Now Wes spat his _other_ name too. Danny tried to ignore how alike they sounded. Hopefully no one noticed.

" _Somebody's_ not paying attention," Danny muttered with a smirk. Several other people throughout the class laughed too. "Parents. Paranormal scientists? _Ghost hunters?"_

Wes's ears turned pink, but other than that he just looked pissed off.

" _Oh!"_ Star jumped up from Paullina's side, "Ghost's don't, like, sleep or eat right? Like, not human food. And like I don't think they breathe. And like, they need to go back to their world sometimes. _Oh_ and they like, glow. And they're cold, and they make like everything else cold too."

Lachuga listed those items on the bored. "So we're looking for a ghost that _doesn't_ have these qualities? One that eats, sleeps, and breathes, to start. Mr. Fenton, is that possible?"

Well, _he_ certainly needed to eat, sleep, and breathe. Danny almost chuckled to himself as he took another bite of his pie, finding the irony of it all to be almost painful. "I don't know. Personally I haven't seen a ghost eat human food or stick around long enough to take a nap, but I guess it could happen."

"Not like you'd know anyway, Fentina," Dash barked in laughter, elbowing Kwan who sat silently beside him. Asleep, Danny realized. Dash's elbowing rudely jostled the Asian-decent football player awake and he shot up with an indigent snort. "You always run off whenever a ghost shows up!"

"Self-preservation and a timely bladder, Dash. Not my fault that ghosts like to attack while I'm taking a wiz." Danny shot off automatically.

Tucker bit his lip. He was seconds from losing it.

"Ghost's also fly," Said another jock, a burnet football player that sat on Kwan's right. "They've also got like… powers. And shoot glow-y stuff."

Danny bit his lip and scribbled on one of the napkins Tucker grabbed for them: _"That's my power of choice… shooting the glow-y stuff."_ Tucker made a deep 'pffft' sound before regaining his composure.

"You think an organic life form with DNA spliced with ectoplasm would have powers?" Lachuga asked. "Well, it would make sense wouldn't it? I believe ectoplasm has its own properties, I'm not sure how organic life would alter that."

He wrote the words _"Ectoplasmic superhuman properties"_ on the board.

"It would probably be solid, too," Lachuga continued, more to himself than the rest of the class. "More stable, more attached to this plane."

"Not evil," Said a nameless boy on Danny's left, "Ghosts have a mean-streak a mile wide but they're not necessarily evil."

Danny wanted to applaud the boy for paying attention.

"So now our build-a-ghost has a moral compass…?" Lachuga asked as he wrote the words _"moral compass"_ on the board. He underlined them three times.

Lachuga inspected the board closely. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and Danny felt himself start to dread the following minutes of class. He recognized that calculating look on Lachuga's face. That was the look of a scientist in the midst of solving a problem. Danny would know; he saw it on his parents nearly every day. He often saw it in the mirror.

Lachuga's face suddenly lit up as he came to a realization. "I thought this looked familiar!" He said suddenly, turning back to the class. "Class, we're building the ideal ghost, but what - or, _who -_ does this remind you of?"

Danny wanted to barf.

A moment passed of the class being in complete silence. The moment stretched on for what felt like an eternity. Everyone was thinking the exact same thing as they peered at the list before them of everything a ghost/human splice could entail.

 _Sleeps_

 _Eats_

 _Breathes_

 _Empathy_

 _Moral compas_

 _Emotion_

 _Can feel pain_

 _Cold_

 _Lacks need for Ghost Zone substance_

 _Ectoplasmic superhuman properties_

 _Solid_

Lachuga added one item more after a moment's hesitation:

 _Ages_

Lechuga took a bite of his red velvet cake, glancing up at the clock and seeing that the bell was about to ring. He sighed. He was finally getting somewhere with these kids, even if it totally missed the lesson's mark. Discussion was more important to him than material. If students could hold an intelligent conversation, then who cares what they were talking about?

He left his students to come up with their own conclusions, instead choosing to close class with some words of wisdom. "You know, class," Lachuga said, "The world is a great, exciting place. But it might not be ready for an undead 'cake.' I think we need to get our minds wrapped around the zombie apocalypse first."

And for some reason, Danny's internal angst melted away and he exploded in a borderline hysterical laughter that was drowned out by the bell.

And Lachuga wasn't wrong. The world wasn't ready for a ghostly cake - like himself. Not until he did something drastic, something fantastic, like saving the world.

Danny snorted again and put that on his list of things to do.

* * *

 **Well, put simply this fic was just an attempt for me to make sense of some scrambled headcanons I had floating around in my head. I also wanted to write Wes at least once. Lol.**

 **I was wondering _why_ Danny survived his accident. If the GIW exists, then there has surely been more accidents similar to his. Unless there was a reason Danny didn't die and instead turned into a hybrid, then that leads one to think that more than just two people worldwide would have had this happen to them. We'd have more halfas. Am I right? I'm right. Anyway, that's my reasoning. Please drop a review and tell me what you think, I've never attempted a oneshot before and I'm not sure how this turned out. **

**Peace,**

 **Rookey**


End file.
